Due to reasons of practicability and health, today's will be the last of the daily stories. More stuff hopefully in the future, maybe not.
When I was first seen, it didn't take long for the news of
my arrival to soak rapidly through the filthy town. By the time I had made it
to the square, I was surrounded by excitement, cheers and applause! There were
the helpless - a beggar with the plague, a statesman with lime green nasal eruptions,
a stable boy with a recently inverted face – All begging for my touch. To the
watching crowd I raised my hands, spreading an attentive hush.
I had them
enraptured, in awe, as I carefully drilled holes in the tops of my patients’
Hansel the barbarian cracked the beasts spine with the force
of his elbow. He drove it’s head into the ground, clamped it’s skull with his
thigh and wrenched the body crooked with a twist of his torso.
flopped to the ground. Hansel stood panting, then resting against a tree. The animal
had not deserved it, and reprimanding his own blind rage, he punched the tree.
“Ow.” Said the tree “Dude, the more you practice being
angry, the easier it will be for you to get angry. Has no one ever told you
that? Grow some fucking nuts man. You can crack a pterodactyl spine with your
bicep, but you can’t exercise a tiny bit of self-restraint and use your massive muscles to hold still? If I were your
mother I would have you knitting. You hear me? Knitting. Then you’d have more
to wear than that tiny leather speedo.”
Hansel wandered away from the tree, feeling dizzy and oddly
vulnerable in the open air.
Marlo was proud of his ability to bring birds into existence
with nothing but his words. The town people admired him, though he refused to
reveal how exactly he discovered this unusual talent.
Marlo would speak birds for every day of the week, and they
lived in the town being rather pretty, scratching around for raisins. No one
else could make birds really, or had ever spoken anything into reality, really,
until one day a stranger wondered into town and spoke birds of his own. Marlo was confident, not at all threatened. Then the stranger spoke out an elephant. Marlo clicked
his teeth, jealous. He swore loudly – his speech materializing in a way
that upset the children.
Within days of the visitors arrival, children began to speak out crude dogs with too few legs, rug-like cats and even, to Marlo’s horror, his own birds. They made many things. Marlo mocked the visitor for revealing their secrets to the children, believing they would now inevitably steal all the tricks and secrets and make himself and Marlo look like fools.
This puzzled the visitor, but drove Marlo to madness, who in
a fit of defiance spoke his own mouth permanently shut and never shared an
A cat, tongue dragging in
the dirt, said once to me:
I think it's important not
to forget, the constructions of your observation are the result of filtration
by the senses, notwithstanding the augmentation of personal notions to the
picture of the movie that you see yourself seeing inside your head. Meow, right?
But it is not a movie, your
memory, no, it is a bundle of seeds and farmers who would push those seeds into
the fields of your thinky bits in the hope that rain will fall from the senses
onto the young crop, favoring one farmers seeds over another. The crops bloom,
some die, and some yield new seeds, which are stored in the hopes of producing
a new crop at the correct time in the future. In my feline perception of
character and action in human beings, I see the fertility and competition of
these crops as the substance of personality and action.
I, being a cat, lack the cortical structure to experience this myself, but
I do believe my model is quite sound, though I had very much to drink last
Here is a brain scan to illustrate this phenomenological divide:
The caffeine coursed through me, stimulating my plumbing. I
knew, as a rat, three coffee beans was pushing it. Raindrops twitched my tail. I
bounded across the road for the cover of the drain, only to see humans
standing at the corner, waiting.
Their chest woofers pulsed slow, in sync with one and other.
The magnetic coils of their voice boxes kicked the diaphragm of their mouths in
complex rhythms, indecipherable music to my rodent ears. A car then pulled up, growling, silencing the loiterers. Their chest woofers increased in pace. A verbal and then physical exchange was made,
the driver going on his way with a heavier pocket.
They opened the package. Flash drives. Each inserted one into their socket, the data taking a few moments to copy. Gradually chatter resumed, synchronized but jittery - nervous perhaps. They started to walk and I followed,
curious. They began to laugh, electronic convulsions of vacuous fuzz, losing time, losing synchrony. Their steps got slippery, though the ground was mostly dry. They hugged and
joked incoherently, each dancing to their own rhythm, their combined noise an
echoing wall of sonic arrhythmia.
I will never understand humans, I thought, gnawing my fourth
Ti stood, the world steady beneath his feet. He looked down
at the ocean between the two continents on which he stood. Straightening to his
full height, he felt he could almost reach the Moon.
He stood with the atmosphere up to his belly, like a bather
in a shallow pool lit from bellow against a background of empty night. He gazed
at the Moon, and prepared to leap and take her. The Moon stared serenely out at
the universe, oblivious.
Ti began to run, but as he stepped hard to leap for the
moon, the Earth turned beneath his feet and he fell in the ocean.